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Refer to this handy checklist for warning signs that you might be an abysmal self-hater who could not make it a single day at Anti-Gym. Post on your freezer door for easy visibility the next time you go in for another fudge-pop.
Top 10 Characteristics of Bearded Ladies:
1. Fat, really fat, but refuse to change their behavior because of a “thyroid problem”.
2. Usually emit a foul and unpleasant odor because they don’t wear antiperspirant.
3. Don’t wear make-up, because lipstick gets in their mustache and eye-shadow clashes with their red face.
4. Hate men. Actually hate women too, but won’t admit it.
5. Feel like they are victims of everything. Conveniently ignore their own laziness.
6. Watch Oprah while eating cupcakes alone in the dark.
7. Have not had sex with the lights on in their entire life.
8. Pretend in chat rooms to be 20-year-old cheerleaders with huge breasts.
9. Think all Anti-Gym ads are offensive. Are also offended by PG13-rated movies because they have the emotional maturity of a 12-year-old.
10. Have enough time on their chubby hands to send hysterical emails or phone calls to Anti-Gym sponsors. |
